Why a Fixed Mindset is Hard

Hey tribemates! Today is my last post in the Growth Mindset theme! So far in this theme I’ve talked about what growth mindset is, differences between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset, and ways to change your mindset. Today, I’m going to talk about why a fixed mindset is hard. Harder even than developing a growth mindset! It may seem counter-intuitive, maybe because a growth mindset represents change and flexibility, which can be scary things! But in reality, a fixed mindset is harder on us than a growth mindset is. This also feels like a good lead in to our next theme, which talks about being nice to yourself! So let’s dive in!

Feelings That Make You Feel Bad

First, let’s look at certain attributes of a fixed mindset. When people have a fixed mindset about something, they believe that their talents, abilities and even their intelligence are “fixed”. In other words, they were born with certain qualities which stay pretty much the same and can’t be changed. People having this mindset about something may also experience a version of perfectionism, or the need to be perfect. This tends to be centered not around how they can perfect their skills or develop their talents till they get it right, but more about how others will judge them if they get it wrong or make a mistake.

When perfectionism comes from a place of “other-facing” instead of “self-facing”, the results and impact of failure can be debilitating. The person fears failure, stresses out over any mistake, won’t try new things, won’t get out of their comfort zone…you get the picture. When they see other, seemingly “lucky” or “special” individuals, they may feel jealous or envious, or worse: inadequate in comparison.

In a fixed mindset, there is the idea that some are better and some are worse. In other words, some are superior and some are inferior. This is because they don’t believe it’s really possible to move from “I don’t know how” to “I achieved something”. They think talents and intelligence are fixed traits that people are born with. It is really hard on the fixed mindset person to think that they are in the inferior bucket.

Look at all those emotions! Self-consciousness, fear, jealousy, envy, inadequacy. These are feelings that don’t tend to make us feel very good.

The Pressure…Oh, The Pressure

This fear of failure creates an atmosphere of stress and pressure on the individual. When you’re afraid of failing, any mistake seems monumental. You’re almost paralyzed because you don’t want to try something, just in case you might fail. If you feel like you’re doing well at something, you might live in fear of messing up and losing that “exceptional” status.

You might procrastinate, or avoid doing something you know is good for you, simply because you’re afraid of failure, or what people might think of you if you do fail. You might be very conscious of others’ good opinions, and terrified of losing those good opinions on the basis of a mistake.

People experiencing that “other-facing” perfectionism may feel anxiety, depression, mood swings, and other health issues. Obviously this isn’t the only cause of those feelings, but a fear of failing, a need to be perfect, can result in those very real problems.

Why a Growth Mindset Is Actually Easier

I think that people hear about a growth mindset and resist it for a few reasons. One, because they don’t want to believe that changing the way you think about something could actually make things happen that you’ve always wanted. I think people don’t believe something so “simple” could work. I think also people want quick fixes – for example, tips or strategies that are guaranteed to change your life and mindset instantly.

Like anything else worth having, a growth mindset takes work – both to change your established thought patterns and then work to keep from sliding back into the fixed mindset.

Once you have been able to change the way you think about something, though – that’s when it gets easier. Easier on you mentally, your mood improves, you have less stress, less anxiety. Because you’ve changed the way you think about things, you’re no longer applying the pressure to yourself to be perfect, to never make mistakes, to maintain that coveted “superior” status. Your mind gets more flexible, your horizons expand because you’re willing to try new things.

You start to have hope.

I talked already about ways to develop a growth mindset. I would encourage you to read some of the other resources we collected and see what resonates with you. Talk to someone, if that would help!

Over the next four weeks, we will be diving into self-compassion – how to be kinder to yourself. This is a big component to defeating negative perfectionism. I look forward to it, and I hope you do too!

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