Delayed Gratification and Success

All of us have probably been in this situation: “I want something and I want it now”. We all deal with it. We say, “That piece of cake is calling my name…”, when we are trying to lose weight. We buy that newest and latest phone when we’re supposed to be saving up for a house. We consistently put the “right now” in front of the “later”. Living in the moment is wrecking our lives, and here’s why.

On second thought, let’s practice some delayed gratification right now. To understand how delayed gratification affects you, you first have to hear about some 5-year-olds and some marshmallows.

The Stanford Marshmallow Experiment

At Stanford University, professor Walter Mischel wanted to find out about delayed gratification and it’s effect on our choices and our successes later on in life. He placed young children, 4-5 years old, in a room with a researcher and a marshmallow. The researchers made the children a deal they couldn’t resist. Or could they?

The First Experiment

The researchers told the children that they could have one marshmallow right now, or they could wait until the researcher came back and then the children could have two marshmallows. Of course, some of the children ate the first marshmallow right away, giving up on the big reward at the end, but some of the children were able to hold out and received two marshmallows.

When they observed the children, the researchers saw that children who could resist the temptation of immediate gratification used methods to distract themselves in the meantime. They used methods like singing songs, hiding under chairs, or closing their eyes to avoid the first marshmallow, and thus were able to hold out for the second. Practicing these distraction methods, or “cold” thoughts, allowed them to keep their eyes on the prize and to succeed in their quest to get the second marshmallow.

The Followup

But here’s where it gets really interesting: 40 years later, they went back and looked at the children of the marshmallow experiment. Overall, the children that refused the lure of the first marshmallow, and won through to the second marshmallow, were just more successful in life. They had higher test scores and less instances of substance abuse and obesity. In fact, generally, they were happier and more well adjusted to their environments. You can read a more in depth article on Wikipedia about the Stanford Marshmallow experiment here.

Why delayed Gratification Matters

The findings of the experiment point to several things. First, children who practiced delayed gratification early on in life were able to continue to do it more effectively later in life also. Delayed gratification is a learned behavior, and the more we do it, the easier it is to do. Secondly, we have to have trust in the process. Believing in the second marshmallow is the key to getting it. Lastly, people who practice delayed gratification are more content with what they currently have, and are more happy people, generally.

So how do we apply this knowledge? How do we make delayed gratification work for us without being miserable in the process? Here are some tips I tried that work for me.

How to Delay Gratification Practically

Start With The Basics

Doing one thing every day that will bring your closer to your long-term goal will help you see small progress, allowing you to trust in the process. It may be a small thing, like exercising for 30 minutes five days a week to start losing weight. Or cutting down on coffees out of the house to save money (calm down, I said cutting down, not cutting out). These small steps lead on to the goals you have set out and add up in a big way.

Be Consistent

If you have some tiny goals set up that will help you on the road to your big goal, do them every day! Consistency is key to “exercising” the neural pathways in our minds. This means that the more you practice delaying gratification every day (for instance, not buying those new shoes that you just saw), the better results you will have.

Embrace “The Suck”

This is military speak for being content with what you got. Maybe you feel like your life would be more complete if you could have what you want right now, but this just isn’t the case. Loving what you have right now means that you are less likely to make choices aimed at avoiding discomfort right now. You do this because you know that you will receive a bigger payout in the end.

Play The Tape, All The Way Through

When you feel yourself weakening toward some instant enjoyment, run the situation through all the way to the end. Does this serve my long-term goals? What are the consequences of this behavior? Is it holding me back?

Thanks for reading! Until next time!

What are some things you are trying to achieve in your life that could be better suited to delayed gratification? Comment below and share some of your experience, strengths, and hopes.

Photo Credits:

Man and Clock, Jeremy Sergott

Marshmallow, Harsha K R

Goals, Jesper Sehested