“I Have To” vs. “I Get To”

“I have to…”, is a phrase that we utter at least ten times every day. We rail against the choices that we’ve made for ourselves, choices that a lot of times, we agreed to willingly. Honestly, I even say, “I have to write a blog post today.” But what if we took our power back? What if we get to do these things? How would our lives change?

“I Have To…”

What, really, are the things that we have to do? Do we have to go to work? Nope, we can live in tents if we choose. We choose to go to work, because number one, we want money and the comforts that it brings. Hopefully, it fulfills us and satisfies our need to create. Do we have to do housework? Nope, we can live in squalor if we choose. We choose to clean up because it’s sanitary, healthy, and basically nicer to live in a clean space.

When you start breaking it down, we really have to do nothing. Benjamin Franklin said, “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes. “ Honestly, he was only half-right. You can choose to pay your taxes, or not.

There are of course, consequences to all our choices, good ones and bad. But what I’m getting at is that, outside of dying, we have choices about everything that we do. It’s just down to what consequences you are willing to accept.

“I Get To…”

When we change “I have to…” to “I get to…”, everything changes. We take back the power that we’ve given away, for whatever reason, and take responsibility for our choices and decisions.

When I say, “I get to write a blog post today”, I’m acknowledging that I made the decision to be a writer, I choose to write for this blog, and that overall, I enjoy writing and find it satisfying and fulfilling. By changing that one word in my sentence, I’m owning my decision, and making myself accountable for the choices I’ve made.

By owning my choices, I feel more in control of my life and my decisions. When I feel more in control, I’m less resentful, happier, and more at peace with myself. Because, honestly, the person in charge of my decisions is me. I’m the one who got me into these choices I’ve made. I don’t feel burdened, I feel empowered. And that small distinction makes all the difference in the world.

“I Prefer Not To…”

Don’t forget, you also have to give yourself permission to say no. We can’t be everything to everybody.

Take a page out of Bartleby the Scrivener’s book. Who is that, you may ask? Bartleby the Scrivener is a short story by Herman Melville. To make a short story shorter, he basically chooses to not involve himself in his own day-to-day struggles until he passes into obscurity, even unto death.

No, I’m not saying you should choose not to participate in your life until your choices terminate you. I’m merely advocating that sometimes we need to “Bartleby” a choice and just say, “I prefer not to.”

This doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person, or selfish, It means that you’re willing to make choices that make sense for you. If it’s outside what you can take on in a day, know when to give it a pass.

Weigh the consequences! What is the reality of what will happen if you “prefer not to”? If your plate is full, know when to “say when”. You’ll have more time for the opportunities that come your way that you do want to spend time on. It’s one of the ways we build a successful relationship with ourselves. If you’d like more information on how to start a successful relationship with yourself, check out Dianne’s blog post about that here!

Lucky Me!

I’m still learning to say, “I get to..”. So let’s try to practice this together, and change our mindset. When I say, “I get to…”, I’m really looking at how lucky I am, to live my dreams and accomplish what I’ve always wanted, to be a writer. And I’m grateful for the opportunity every day.

What are some things that you get to do? Do you find yourself trapped in having to do things that don’t have value to you? Share your experiences, strengths and hopes below. Until next time!

Photo Credits:

Choices – Kyle Pearce

Dog pupil, less dog – Linus Eklund