Self-Compassion Is Not Ice Cream

Guess what? Self-compassion isn’t eating ice cream when you feel depressed. Who knew?

Self-compassion is something I really struggle with. I find myself several times a day saying things to myself like, “Why did you do that?”, “You are so stupid…”, and calling myself various names. Why don’t I give myself a break and realize that what I’m suffering from is a bad case of poor self-compassion? It’s just not that easy. Lets break it down.

What Self-Compassion Is

So what is self-compassion exactly? First, let me tell you a little story. I remember when I first started to seek help for my mental health issues, my therapist asked me if I was practicing self-compassion. This was at a stage in my life where I struggled to even look at myself in the mirror.

I said, “Yeah. I try to take a shower every day and all that.”

Well, apparently, that’s not self-compassion. That’s hygiene. I really had no idea what self-compassion meant, or how to apply it to my life. So what is self-compassion?

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, the foremost authority on self-compassion, it is being able to be empathetic to yourself in the way that you would feel compassion towards others. So what does that mean? It means that how you treat others, with love and kindness, is how you should treat yourself. Sounds easy, but I know I struggle with it immensely. Why can’t I give myself the love that I give others?

What Self-Compassion Isn’t

I know that I had no idea what self-compassion was. I thought self-compassion was eating ice cream and laying around when I felt depressed. Or taking a shower when I felt like staying in bed all day. Maybe it was taking a “mental health day”. It’s really not any of these things. Self-compassion is how we think about ourselves and how we talk to ourselves. It’s the way we interact with the self that defines self-compassion.

Self-compassion isn’t always just the way we talk to ourselves, but also the way we treat ourselves. Exercising and meditating are both forms of self-compassion. Eating right and getting enough sleep are forms of self-compassion.

Imagine you were standing in front of another person; hungry, scared, and alone. What would you do? Try to help them? Now imagine you were standing in front of a mirror the whole time. Would you still try to help? Or do you somehow deserve less love than others?

The Girl in the Mirror

So I tried this exercise, and I’m trying to do it every day. I’m going to challenge you to participate, too. I look at myself in the mirror. Not just to make sure that I haven’t got anything on my face or that my hair is cooperating. I really look at myself. Then I try to think about this person I see. This person deserves my love. She is the only person that I will spend each and every day of my life with.

The girl in the mirror is a human being that has feelings, dreams, and aspirations. She is wonderful, capable, and amazing.

I won’t allow anyone to hurt or abuse her any longer, not even if that threat is me.

Look in the mirror and wrap your arms around yourself and say, “I love you.” I know this sounds ridiculous. I also know that the most harsh and hurtful things ever said to me have been said by me, to myself. I urge you to try it.

Real talk

If you are reading this and are in a really bad place, recognize that. Treat yourself with the compassion you would extend to another loved one. Because you are the only you we’ve got, and you’re worth the love you would offer to another person.

What are some of the things you say to yourself that you would never say to another person about themselves? Why don’t you deserve the same love and compassion you give to others? Please share your experiences, strengths, and hopes with me! Until next time!

Photo Credits:

• Wasted Ice Cream Cone – Steve Snodgrass
• Mirror Image – Clare Black

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