CPB S1E11: Recognizing Effort – It’s Not Just Giving a “Participation Award”

Today I’m talking about recognizing talent vs effort. It’s so important to recognize or praise the effort and hard work someone put into something vs their innate talents. Don’t dismiss hard work as “talent” – recognize the perseverance, persistence, and effort when those things led to someone’s success. Tie success to level of effort, and you’ll be teaching kids and others (and yourself!) that effort is what success is dependent on, and not something like “talent” or something they were born with.

Also note that this is the last episode of Season 1! We will be back with new episodes in Season 2 starting on December 11. In the interim, you can still find tasty good content on the blog! Talk to you then!

Referenced in this episode:

• Why Talent is Overrated: Effort is Really Where It’s At: https://www.coffeegritandinspiration.com/talent-vs-effort/

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Transcript

Hello and welcome. This is Dianne Whitford from Coffee, Grit, and Inspiration and this is the weekly Coffee Break podcast. Welcome to the show! Hey everybody. Before I get into this week’s podcast, I’m excited to report that this week was a milestone week. We hit over 100 listens on this podcast, which is still pretty new and for me that’s a big deal. So thank you so much to everybody that’s listening. I really, really appreciate it. It means a lot. This is also the last episode in season one, so what that means is we’re going to take a two week break and we’ll be back on December 11th with season two. During that two weeks, we’ll be recording a lot of the episodes for season two, so hopefully we can kind of get ahead of the game. Our next break between seasons will probably only be one week, so I’m not expecting it to take too long.

Hopefully you guys stick around. It’ll just be two weeks and then we’ll be back. In the meantime, you can still find a lot of content on the Coffee, Grit, and Inspiration blog. There’ll be a lot of articles that are still getting posted during those two weeks. So hopefully if you need a fix, we’ll still be there. And then we’ll see you back on December 11.

So for today, I had a post that I did on Monday and it is about talent versus effort and how talent can dictate how quickly you learn something, and maybe how far you’ll be able to go in that particular thing. But it’s not what makes you successful. With or without talent, it’s the amount of hard work and the effort and the perseverance that you put into something that will ultimately make you successful. So what I want to talk about today is how we can recognize perseverance and hard work and effort and persistence over stuff like innate talent.

And it may feel, when I say that, it may feel like I’m saying, you know, give people a pat on the back and give them a participation award. And that may kind of feel like what I’m saying, but it’s really not what I’m trying to say. Talent is used a lot and it’s something someone is born with. They can’t control – we can, none of us can control what gifts we are born with. Someone might not even use the talents that they’re born with. We focus on the word talent to describe somebody who’s good at something, but the reality is that it takes a lot more than just having talent in something to become truly a master at that thing. In the post on Monday, I used a quote from Stephen King and it says, “Talent is cheaper than table salt. The difference between a talented individual and a successful one is an enormous amount of hard work.” And that’s really what I want to talk about today.

Instead of praising people, including ourselves, for having talent at something, or being talented at something. Why don’t we try praising or recognizing the amount of hard work and the perseverance that it took to get to level of success or to achieve something. So praising someone or recognizing someone for something or praising them in a way that makes them think the thing that made them successful was something they can’t control. It means that they’re going to have a hard time when they fail. We’re setting them up. We’re setting them up, almost setting them up to fail, because if they think they’re not talented, they may not try because they don’t think they can. Or they might become afraid to try because failure means they’re not talented or they’re not smart. Because what in the past we’ve said, “You did so well at this because you’re so smart” or “You did so well at this. You’re so smart.” And that ties those things together in their minds to where they think if they’re not good at it or if they fail or if they fall down, that that means they’re not smart. So why would you try just in case that might happen and you jeopardize that, that approval that you’ve gotten and that good feeling that you have about yourself.

In contrast, when we praise our kids or our family or our friends or our teammates or whoever is in our life, when we praise them for the hard work or the perseverance that they put into something, we’re praising them for something they can control, something they are completely in charge of. And they start to learn that the key to success is not that I’m so great at this one thing that I’m so talented at this one thing and that makes me better than somebody else, but that I put in more work than somebody else or I put in so much work and that’s what got me success.

And when you tie those two things together, then you feel like you’re, you’re more in control of whether or not you’re successful. You put in the hard work, you get success, you didn’t put in enough work, you didn’t get as much success and that’s, and that’s whether you’re talented or not. I think a lot of people think, well, I don’t have any talent in that thing, so I’m not ever going to be good at it. Or, you know, I can’t, I can’t draw, I can’t, I have no talent in drawing, so I’m just, you know, but somebody who’s super passionate and wants to do art, even if they think that they’re not talented at drawing, it’s still something they could learn. It really is. I know that a lot of times we get stuck in the idea that, you know, intelligence is fixed, talents are fixed. And if you’re not talented at something, then you’re not going to be successful at it.

But the reality is, studies and people have shown time and time again, whether you’re talented or not, whether you’re suited for it or not, whether you, you know, have both legs or not, you can still do a thing that maybe someone else might be better at because, or someone else might be better suited for because they have talent or they, you know, have both legs. But there’s all kinds of amputees that are running races and there’s people that get told you’re not good at that thing. You’re not going to be ever be good at that thing. You’re too short, you’re too tall, you know, whatever. And they still persevere and they still succeed. How do you explain the fact that those types of people, no matter what obstacles are in their way, how do you explain that they are able to succeed when somebody that is perfectly capable that you know, maybe doesn’t see that they’re talented is not, it’s comes down to the hard work and the perseverance.

So when I say you should recognize somebody for their hard work, what I’m not saying is that you should pat them on the head with a little consolation prize and say, “well at least you tried”. That’s not really what I’m saying. Although that can help. What I’m really saying is when someone tries hard at something and that effort led to their success, praise that instead of the fact that, “Oh, you’re so smart and you’re so talented.” When someone works really hard at something and they succeed and you say, “Oh, you’re so talented”, that almost completely dismisses all that hard work that they put in to get there. Yeah, maybe they are talented. Maybe learning that thing does come easier to them than other people, but they also practiced and put in a lot of hard work and that’s what I think we should be recognizing rather than, “Oh, you’re so talented”, like all that hard work didn’t mean anything.

So here’s an example. Like let’s say your kid comes home, they’ve got a test and they got an A on it and you could respond and say “Aw, good job, you’re so smart”. Or “Oh, you’re really good at that. You’re really good at math. You’re so talented at math.” And that will make them feel good in the moment. But what happens when they bring home a D? Does that mean they’re not smart or they’re not talented at math? Or does it just mean that maybe they didn’t prepare enough or they didn’t study as hard as they could have? Or maybe this particular topic takes a little bit more effort? So instead of that, what if, what if when they brought home that A, you said, “Oh, that’s so great, really good job focusing. You must have prepared a lot. You must have really worked hard to get that. That’s a really great job.”

And then when they come home with the D say, “Okay, what what could we have done differently? Could we have studied more? Could we have practiced harder? Could I have helped you do flash cards?” Or you know, whatever that thing is. Without tying that A, with their intelligence and that D with their non intelligence. You’re, you’re not telling them, “Oh, it’s okay, you tried”. You’re telling them, “okay, maybe you didn’t try hard enough. How can we do better next time?” And that’s coaching them through the failure. But it’s also stopping them from associating an A with their intelligence. Something they can’t, they may not feel like they can control or their talent in something that they were born with, you know, or not. And now they feel like they can’t do anything about it. And opening their mind to the idea that with more, more work, next time you can succeed.

In a lot of the research that I’ve read, I haven’t conducted any on my own, but in the research that I read in the books that I’ve read, it’s studies show that kids who believe that they can develop skills, kids who believe that something that they’re, that they may not be good at today, they could learn it, versus kids that think you know how, what however smart you are is however, however smart you’re going to be for the rest of your life. The things that you’re good at or the things that you’re gonna be good at for the rest of your life and nothing else. The ones who believe that they can develop those things are the ones that actually do increase things like their IQ. They do succeed in more situations and in a brighter, broader variety of topics than kids who have that more of a fixed mindset I guess.

And that’s because they believe they can do it. They believe that effort makes a difference. And it’s not just what I’m born with. I’m, I was born good at math and so now I can be good at math and maybe I don’t need to try cause I was born good at math and so now I don’t need to try for it. Or I was not born good at math and I’ll never be good. I want for my son and for the people in my life to believe that whether you’re good at something or not, whether you’re talented or whether you think of yourself as talented or not, you can still be successful at something if you’re willing to put in the time and the effort. That’s what I want my son to believe. That’s what I want everyone to believe. Because you’re limiting yourself, when you’re saying, I’m only going to be good at these things in my whole life and, and maybe because I don’t want to prove that I’m not talented at this thing, I’m not going to try to do better or try, I don’t want to fail. And so I’m just not going to try.

I think that is such a self limiting belief that I don’t want that. I don’t want to foster that into people in my life. I think that also makes people feel kind of trapped and helpless. Like, you know, there’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing I can do. I just, I’m not good at this and so there’s nothing I can do. I’ll never get better. And that’s a…That’s a sad feeling. And I, I think the feeling that, okay, I need to try a little harder at this. I need to maybe focus on this a little bit more and I need to practice this and then I will succeed and have that belief that you can. I think that’s a much more hopeful, a much more hopeful attitude. I guess my message really is that whether or not you’re successful is not dependent on what you’re talented at or your talents.

It’s, it’s dependent on how much work you’re willing to put in to that thing, how much practice you’re willing to dedicate, how much of your time and effort you’re willing to dedicate to that thing. That is what is going to make you successful, not what you’re talented at. And yes, it’s true that some may have to work harder at some things than other people. Or success may look different for one person to another. An A might be really easy in one subject and a B might be really difficult. It just, success may look different. The amount of work you have to put in may look different, but – hard does not mean impossible. Hard does not mean I will never, if I’m not good at math, I’ll never be able to get good at math. I’ll never be able to improve.

I I can tell you that I’m not great at finances. I struggle with it. I struggle with it. But I can tell you that I’m better than I was a couple years ago. And I might never be one because I really don’t enjoy it. But I might never be, you know, an accountant or somebody that’s super good at managing money. I’m probably not ever going to be that person. And that’s okay. I just have to be good enough to manage my own, my own finances. And I’m seeing improvement. And I know that even though finances isn’t really something that I get super passionate about or something I’m super excited about, I can at least be good enough to be capable. And that’s really what I’m looking for in that. For things that I’m super passionate about. That’s where I want to excel and that’s what I want to do really good at. And so those are the things that I practice.

Those are the things that I put a lot of effort and time into. So I think that’s what I have for you today. Maybe as you go about your day, try to recognize how many times are you praising or recognizing someone’s talent versus their work, the hard work or the effort or the perseverance that they displayed in something. See if you’re able to recognize that hard work and that perseverance rather than saying something that makes them believe you’re just recognizing their talents. And when you talk to yourself, really recognize the times where you tried hard at something and you really put a lot of time and effort into it and whether you’re at the level that you want to be in that thing or not, recognize your progress. Recognize that that time and effort in that practice and that perseverance is paying off. It is improving and you’ll see that improvement.

Maybe it doesn’t happen overnight. Most things don’t, but if you can see that progress and you can recognize that talent or not, it’s the hard work that you’re willing to put into something that gets you further along where you want to be, then that’ll be motivating. It will make you feel better because that is something you can control. I hope you enjoyed today’s podcast and don’t forget you can always visit our blog at www.coffeegritandinspiration.com. You can sign up for our mailing list at coffeegritandinspiration.com/subscription. You can also check out our Pinterest and our YouTube, so I’ll put those links in the description as well, and I will see you talk to you, I guess, see you and talk to you depending on if you’re watching the YouTube in a couple of weeks. I hope y’all have a wonderful, wonderful time and I will talk to you soon. Bye now.