The Girl With the Stars on Her Head

While I was pregnant with my son (yes, that was over eighteen years ago for those keeping count), I embarked upon a project to scan in all our old family photos. As I was sorting through a tub of old photos, I came across a picture of myself. After spending some time staring at it – who was this weird kid with what looks like the earliest-ever edition of highwater joggers (overalls, even!), knee socks, and a headband with bobble stars on it?

I mean. 

It’s me, but…wow. What on earth?

The Photo

At any rate, I scanned it and went on living my life. 

Time went on.

The Hateful Self-Talk

Then, just a few years ago, I was spending time with a good friend of mine in California. We were shopping, and I recall being unhappy because nothing I tried on was very flattering. Naturally, I blamed myself:

• I’m too fat!
• I must have gained a bunch of weight.
• God, you look stupid. 
• How can anyone love you?
• You are so gross.
• Ugh. Just…ugh.

I hadn’t just forgotten how to practice self-compassion, I was across the world from it. We weren’t even in the same hemisphere.

My friend was concerned, and reminded me that how I talk to myself has a huge impact on my confidence, how I carry myself, and how well new people I meet will react to me (remember, my relationship with me = my relationship with you? Yeah, that).

Remembering How to Be Kind To Myself

Anyway, when I got home I thought a lot about that conversation. Shortly after that I was browsing through my digital photos, and I came across that old picture of myself with those damn stars on my head. I remembered what my friend told me, and I imagined saying some of those things to that little girl, jogger-alls and all. 

I bawled. 

My heart broke right in half, trying to imagine saying those things to that little girl, with her head cocked sideways, her elasticized pant legs, and the tentative little smile on her face. I couldn’t imagine it.

Could you? 

Hypothetically Speaking…

Think about it: what if we when we talked “mean” to ourselves, we imagined saying those exact things to ourselves as children? Would that wake us up to the reality of what we’re saying to ourselves? The really mean, terrible, discouraging, heartbreaking things we say?

I think it would. 

What if we could practice self-compassion every time we talked to ourselves? What if everything we said to ourselves was kind, encouraging, and compassionate? How much more secure and safe would we feel? I know it’s not that easy, and there’s probably a few of you shaking your heads at my naivete, but still…what if?

The Challenge: Change Your Self-Talk

So here’s my challenge for you today. 

Find an old picture of yourself. Get it from your mom/dad/grandparent/internet if you have to. 

Look at how cute you were! Whether you think so or not, odds are you were just as cute as the next kid (even if you did have elasticized pant legs). Regardless, I know without a doubt that you were – and are – someone deserving of kind words and compassion.

Next, put it in your wallet, or your phone, or whatever is handy. Keep it in the front of your mind, and when you go to say things to yourself, put them through the filter of “would I say this to that kid?”

Practice The Core of Self-Compassion

Nowadays, I try really hard to practice self-compassion. I try to remember to tell myself to be nice to the girl with the stars on her head – she deserves my love just as much as anyone else, maybe even more. I need to treat her like I actually care about her, and her feelings, and what happens to her. 

That is the core of self-compassion: treating yourself with the same care, love, kindness, and compassion as you so freely and willingly give to others. 

Give it a try! And, if you’re feeling especially brave, let me see those old photos! Post them in our Facebook group along with your message you’ll say to yourself when you start taking your angst and anxiety out on that little kid that lives inside you.

I’ll see you there! Be well. And be nice to yourself!

Like what you see? Want more?

Join the CGInspo tribe today to get updates directly to your inbox! I am protective of your privacy and will never spam you or share your email with anyone else. You can unsubscribe at any time.