How To Tell if You Might Have Low Emotional Intelligence

So, now that we all know what emotional intelligence is, how do we know if we have it? How do you tell if you have low emotional intelligence? What happens if I’m one of the people with low EQ? And what do I do about it?

I’ve always had a hard time reading the reactions of other people. I’ve had a difficult time trying to figure out what other people are feeling, and reading some social cues. I always thought that I was just socially awkward, or that something was wrong with me. However, I probably have a hard time relating to others because I am not always as emotionally intelligent as I could be.

Of course, it’s no fun to admit that you may be socially inept. But, the good news is that being aware of the problem is the first step to doing something about it. Do you have low EQ? Here are some signs that you may be struggling with emotional intelligence.

Danger Signs

• Misunderstanding Emotions of Others: Do you get in lots of arguments with others over simple misunderstandings? People with low emotional intelligence may not understand the emotions of others, so can be harder for them to anticipate how others will feel. When you can’t gauge the temperature of the water, you’re more likely to get burned! People are no different. If you can’t understand the emotions of the people around you, it makes navigating interactions well-nigh impossible.
• Misunderstanding Your Own Emotions: Part of the problem you may have is that you don’t understand your own emotions. We can’t begin to be empathetic to others when we can’t even tell what we are feeling. I frequently know that I just feel “bad”, but I don’t really understand that I may actually be frustrated or feeling exhausted. I don’t always label what I feel, and that gets in the way of me empathizing with others.
• Relationships are Hard!: Do you feel like sometimes relationships are more trouble then they are worth? That can be because of low EQ. When you can’t identify the emotions of yourself or of others, relationships turn into a minefield. I know that when I run into problems in a relationship, it almost feels easier to blame the other person and end the relationship. That’s because I have a low EQ, and get easily frustrated with the difficulty of trying to make relationships work.
• “Stressed” is Your Middle Name: If you are stressed on a regular basis very easily, you may have low EQ. Interactions with others turn mountains into mole hills on a daily basis, and you always feel like everyone is mad at you. And you don’t have any idea why. If you become easily stressed out to the point of arguments, you may have a low EQ. I know that it doesn’t take much for me to feel overwhelmed and at the end of my rope.

How to Move Forward

So, now that we know where we stand with EQ, what can we do to gain better communication and relationship skills? How can we increase our emotional intelligence and strengthen our interactions with others? First, you have to want to change. People that don’t want to change, don’t. The first and most important thing that you need is motivation.

Some other skills that you can try developing by practicing them are:

• Active Listening: You really need to listen to what others are saying to you to gauge the emotional temperature of what’s going on. By actively listening, instead of just waiting to speak, we can better figure out what the other person is feeling, and respond accordingly.
• Practice Self Awareness: If you don’t know how you feel, how can you begin to empathize with the feelings of others? Keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings on a daily basis to help you identify what you are feeling and what your emotional triggers are in relationships. By starting the process of awareness, you can begin to anticipate your feelings in a given situation, and easily navigate it without just reacting.
• Build Up Your Relationships: Take it as a given that relationships will be a difficult arena for you for some time, maybe always. Take heart that a positive attitude can really go a long ways. By staying positive and not just expecting the worst, we can move forward instead of stagnating in negativity.
• Practice Self Care: Make sure you are working on your self care on a regular basis to avoid being stressed out by every little thing that comes and gums up the works. By taking care of yourself and avoiding burn out, you are better able to learn new things, and grow your emotional intelligence.

Working on You!

Please know that this is in no way a complete list of signs that indicate low emotional intelligence. There are also a lot of other ways you can grow your EQ. There is a ton of information on the internet! I’ve included just a few links below for great resources that can help you diagnose your emotional intelligence without having to take an expensive psychological test.

• 9 Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence | Kendra Cherry | Very Well Mind.com
• 10 Ways to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence | Abhi Golhar | Inc.com

As a side note, the book Dianne has talked about a couple times, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 [affiliate link], comes with access to an EQ test. Are you interested in understanding more about emotional intelligence? And perhaps assessing where you’re at on the spectrum? If so, this could be a great resource.

I’m going to work on my EQ, and I hope you join me! Thanks, and until next time!