Give Yourself the Gift of “I Will Handle It”

How do you show up when anxiety hits? When it hits me, I get short of breath. My heartbeat speeds up. I might get a headache, or start sweating. My voice gets shaky or higher in pitch. In short, I’m sitting in a whole mess of “no fun” and “oh no, not again”. Instead of turning into a big hot mess, what if I could give myself a gift that would help me relieve the stress (or at least mitigate it) and help me avoid all those anxious feelings?

Oooooh, oooh! What’s the Gift?

The gift I’m talking about is something I came across recently in a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy [affiliate link], by Robert Glover, and then in a more in-depth conversation with a coworker. Here’s how it goes:

Anxiety might ask: “What if this happens? What if THAT happens?“

I can answer: “Whatever happens, I will handle it.”

It seems simple, and it is – sort of. What it really means is:

• It’s okay to be uncomfortable, anxious, scared, nervous, and all those awful feelings.
• AND, know that whatever happens as a result of the scary, anxiety-ridden thing I’m contemplating, I will handle it.

It’s the gift of “I will handle it” – freeing yourself to believe that whatever happens, you will handle it.

The Power of The Statement

The truth of this statement is powerful: You are a strong, capable, intelligent person. You get uncomfortable sometimes. You get anxious, or afraid, or nervous, sometimes. AND, even so, whatever happens, you can (and will) handle it.

Imagine for a second something that causes you anxiety or makes you feel nervous, scared, afraid, whatever. Sit in those feelings for a moment and recognize that they are valid and you are not defective, wrong, or stupid for feeling them.

Next, imagine what you would feel if you knew – knew – that even if the worst thing you can imagine as a result of this thing you’re thinking about, you would handle it. Good or bad, you would just…handle it. 

Rooted in Fear

The more I think about this, the more I believe my anxiety about what will happen stems from the fear that I can’t handle it. Somewhere deep down, I don’t have the faith in myself that I can.

But if I look at the evidence, the reality is that I’ve proven over and over again that I can handle things. Even things that suck, even things that are the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with – I did actually handle them. All evidence points to the fact that, whatever happens, I will handle it.

Asking for Help

Let’s not discount asking for help. Heather has talked multiple times about the importance of asking for help when we need it. If it turns out that “handling it” is really, really hard, then I will ask for help. So now I’ve been able to build a plan – handle it, and if I can’t, ask for help – and I feel like having that plan will enable me to be braver and face the things I’ve been afraid of, all those things that send “what ifs” running through my mind.

Now if I really believe that, then what is there to fear? Yes, it might suck. But even if it does, eventually, I will handle it. 

Just Try, Already.

Sometimes, what I’m afraid of is not so much things like “what if the car won’t start” or “what if we get in an accident”. Instead, what I’m often afraid of is trying something new. I get in my comfort zone and I’m happy there! I’m afraid that anything new I try might upset that balance and destroy my world.

And it might! Again, it might suck. It might suck so bad that I wish I’d never tried it. But here’s the thing: it might also be awesome. It might be the very best thing that ever happened to me.

The reality is that I have a 100% chance of failing or not getting what I want if I don’t try. If I do try it though, even if I’m afraid, then I at least have a chance. And if the chance of success is worth it to me, then I just need to try.

Just Handle It…and De-Stress

When I talked about this with my coworker, she commented that she was working on just accepting the fact that whatever happens, she will just deal with it when it comes.

She said that previously, she tried to have a plan for everything, “just in case”. She punished herself for not knowing everything, for not feeling prepared. After reflecting on this idea, she said that changing her mindset to be more open and accepting was like a weight being lifted off her shoulders.

She wasn’t stressed out any more, she wasn’t anxious, she wasn’t afraid of what would happen, because she gave herself the gift of “I will handle it”.

Remind Yourself to Remind Yourself

Heather talked about asking herself, “where are you now?” when she starts to feel anxious. That works because it reorients you to the present – you are not IN that situation you are fearing, it hasn’t happened yet (or it happened a long time ago). This helps you because when you get all spun up in the “what ifs”, you can remind yourself that all those things aren’t actually happening now. This works similarly – when you start to feel stressed over all the “what ifs”, you can remind yourself that “whatever happens, I will handle it.”

It sounds trite, but the best way to make this work is to say it to yourself whenever you’re in that moment. You can say it as a daily affirmation, you can say it to yourself whenever you want. The key is to constantly remind yourself. Whether you believe it fully the first time you say it or not, eventually you will.

What it Looks Like When You Forget

I had a thing happen this last week where I completely broke down. My beloved Jeep, which I’ve had for over twelve years, had something going on and I couldn’t figure it out. I had taken my son to an appointment when I noticed a puddle under the car. I drove to a nearby gas station, and found that antifreeze was leaking all over the place. I mean, literally, I think I emptied my entire radiator (by accident, of course) in the gas station parking lot.

The Good

I FaceTimed with my husband, who helped me figure out how to tighten a plug and refill the radiator. I was feeling pretty on top of it, very capable, because I’d managed to fix it without waiting for him to come home and do it for me. I decided to try driving it home since I wasn’t too far away.

Partway home, the Jeep overheated. I had had this happen before when the thermostat went bad, but it had never happened when I was driving full speed on the freeway. So I took the next exit, but still decided to try to make it home. The heat gauge thing went back down to normal and I thought everything was good.

The Bad

About a mile from home, it died. It just died as I was slowing down for a red light. I was in the middle of the lane, the Jeep wouldn’t start again, and I literally just lost it. I was on the phone with my husband when it happened (hands-free, of course), I was trying to use Progressive’s online app to order roadside assistance, trying to figure out how to put on my hazards, and freaking out that all the people on the road had to drive around me and were getting angry.

And the So, So, Ugly

Then through the app, I found out that the Jeep actually was no longer on my insurance – I had been driving it for over two years without any insurance! Worse yet, I couldn’t order the roadside assistance. I lost it so bad that I actually dropped the phone and hid my face in my hands and kept yelling that I was sorry to all the people. I was basically at tilt: I had had more than I could deal with all at one time, and I just, literally, couldn’t even at that moment.

My son had to remind me that it doesn’t matter if all these people are mad, or if they had to change lanes to drive around me. I just needed to get on with it and handle it. Thanks to that reminder, I calmed down, and was able to call my husband back with something resembling clarity and calmness.

And Then…

Of course, it turns out that when he asked me to start the car so he could hear what noise it was making, it started right up. I drove three blocks and it died as I was turning a corner, and my son and I were able to push it off the street and into a parking lot. I called the insurance company, reinstated my insurance, and got roadside assistance on the way. We got the Jeep the rest of the way home.

Looking back, I realize that nothing I went through was earth shattering or fatal. Nothing in that ride home was actually going to kill me. I just got so anxious and stressed that I lost it for a second (or three). If I had been able to remember “Whatever happens, I will handle it”, I would have saved myself a bunch of stress and saved my son from the experience of having to see me completely lose my sh*t.

Try it Yourself

Does this sound crazy? Are you not sure it will work? If so, take a second and write down a few of the bad things that have happened in your life that you still think about, maybe something like what happened to me. Presumably, since you are reading this, you are still alive, so you must have handled them in some way. Good or bad, whether you wish you had handled them differently or not, you still did. You still survived. Looking at the evidence, it all points to the fact that you will handle it.

Whatever happens.