Empathy In Leadership

For the past couple weeks, we’ve been talking about empathy. What it is, how to grow it, how it’s not like enabling, and extreme empathy. Today, I wanted to talk about the importance of empathy in leadership. A good leader can use empathy to connect with his or her teammates in a way that is meaningful for both the leader and the led. And connections with their leaders (or lack thereof) is one of the main reasons good people stay happy in (or leave) their jobs. How can you be a more empathic leader? How can you demonstrate your empathy without getting “too close”? Let’s have a look!

The Bad, The Good, and the Truly Great

One of the biggest reasons why employees leave their jobs is a bad manager. While a lot more goes into “being a bad manager” than empathy, creating a connection with your teammates can introduce trust, a sense of community, and a certain level of grace. When employees feel heard by their manager – and better yet, understood – that creates a bond.

Just as there’s more than a lack of empathy that defines a “bad” manager, empathy alone doesn’t define a “good” manager. Among other things, you need the ability to prioritize, to get things done, and know how to be a strong advocate for yourself and your teammates. However, I believe that empathy and creating connections with your teammates is what helps to separate the “good” from the “truly great” leaders.

Think about the best manager or leader you ever had. Did this person make you feel valued with their amazing ability to keep you at a distance? Did they make you feel heard with subpar listening skills? Probably not. Most likely, the best leaders you’ve known have had the ability to create connections and listen with empathy.

Why Is Empathy The Differentiator?

A job can suck up a lot of time. For a typical eight hour workday, you might spend eight hours at work, eight hours sleeping, and eight hours doing all the other things in your life. When you spend a third of your days with your coworkers, feeling at least somewhat connected to the people around you can make the workday just a little bit more bearable.

I believe that some managers are concerned about getting “too close” to their teammates. It can create an uncomfortable environment when managers are offline friends with some of the team and not others. There can also be a perception of favoritism if the manager isn’t careful about how he or she creates those relationships. However, I also believe that a manager that listens carefully and intently to what is going on in his/her teammates lives, listens to and truly hears their concerns, is one that people want to work for.

I’m paraphrasing Michelle Obama in her memoir, Becoming [affiliate link], when I say that people invest more of themselves when they feel like others are investing in them. This is true with your kids, it’s true for your teammates, and it’s true for companies that want to keep their teams invested. One of the easiest ways to show that you are invested in your teammates is to show them a little empathy.

Why It Doesn’t Have to Be “Too Close”

Creating relationships on your team that are maybe “too close” between a manager and a teammate are a real risk. You have to be careful that you’re not showing favoritism in how you approach work assignments and other day-to-day work. However, listening to someone with empathy doesn’t require any kind of favoritism. It just requires a change in how you approach and respond to everyone, regardless of whether they are on your team or not.

Enid R. Spitz describes three types of empathy: emotional, cognitive, and compassionate. Emotional empathy is where you actually feel the same feelings as the person you are interacting with. This is maybe too “deep” in most cases for a typical manager/teammate relationship. Cognitive empathy is where you understand the person’s emotions and feelings, without maybe feeling them exactly yourself. Compassionate empathy is a mix of both, and where you can actually take action to help the person.

Caring Without Falling In

A leader that is cognitively or compassionately empathetic can respond to his or her teammates in an attentive, receptive, and supportive way. They can do this without getting wrapped up in the person’s emotions. This, in my opinion, is the ideal type of empathy to display when dealing with your team. You can understand what they are going through without feeling it yourself. Most times, you can differentiate between what they are going through and what you yourself have gone through in the past. You can kind of stand at the edge without falling in.

When someone is having issues with something that resonates deeply with you, you can show emotional or compassionate empathy. As a leader, you are in a unique position to take action to help that person. For instance, when someone is sick, experiencing trouble in their marriage or with their kids, or dealing with some other type of trauma, you can give them some extra time off. Or you could make additional arrangements that will allow them the space they need to handle their stuff.

Other Benefits Of Empathy in Leadership

Think about instances where you might be in a position to negotiate between opposing (or at least different) viewpoints. How much easier would it be if you were able to understand both the spoken and unspoken motivations, emotions, and other drivers of each of the participants? It will help you arrive at a solution that, while maybe not the ideal for everyone, is at least equitable and acceptable.

When you can demonstrate empathy to your peers and teammates, you show that you are invested, and interested, in what’s going on in their lives. The effort you expend to learn a little more about the situation, to understand the whole picture, is time well-spent. You create closer connections with those around you, increase your influence, and build relationships.

These are the things that grease the wheels of a successful career and management experience. If you can do this across the board, you are creating a reputation for yourself as someone that values those around them, cares about their opinions and their lives. And because you’re doing it from a genuinely empathetic place, it’s all true.

Over To You

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