Too Tired to Care: Emotional Burnout

Empathy is a great thing! We’ve been talking a lot about how to grow your empathic skill set, and how it benefits your relationships. We know that too much empathy or not enough empathy can be damaging to our relationships. So, what happens when you’ve got just the right amount of empathy going on, and you still feel drained? What could possibly be wrong now? Emotional burnout can cause you to draw away from others, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed with your own emotions. Adding others’ emotions on top can sometimes be the last straw.

Burnout!

We all have that one friend. You know the one, they always need something. Whether it be emotional or physical support, this person is needy. They have tons of problems, and you feel like you’ve been run over by a train whenever you spend time together.

If you feel like you’ve hit a wall, then the first thing you need to know is that you’re not alone. What you may be experiencing is empathy fatigue, or burnout. Burnout is when you’re under too much pressure and stress. It starts to affect your daily life in several ways, and left unchecked it can affect your work, home life, and health. The energy it takes to be empathic comes from somewhere, you know. It comes from you!

So, how do we practice empathy and still come out intact? Here are some things you need to keep in mind, for your own health and for healthy relationships.

Setting Boundaries

Okay, you knew we were going to talk about this eventually. Why don’t we set boundaries with the people in our life right at the get-go? What makes it so difficult? I know that I feel guilty when I have to say no. I literally hate the word. But wanting to please all the people all of the time is a trap. Sometimes, for your own well being and the health of the relationship, you have to say it. Practice in small ways, and work your way up. Setting boundaries with the people in your life is super important!

There’s a great blog post by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., about the importance of setting boundaries in your relationships and how to achieve them. Check it out, and try to implement boundaries in your life with all the people you interact with. Remember, people in your life who actually care about you, care about your heath, too. They don’t want you to dread spending time with them because you allow them to suck the life out of you.

Take a Step Back

Probably the most important part about being empathic is self-care. You heard me right, I said self-care! You can’t help anyone out if you’re hurting and exhausted. I know the temptation to be a martyr is great, but really, you’re not hurting anyone but yourself. Self-care is like anything else that you want to learn. You have to start small and work on it every day. Clear time in your calendar on a daily basis to:

• Open up to those around you
• Join a support group or a community group that is meaningful to you
• Expand your support system by making new friends
• Get plenty of exercise
• Eat a healthy diet
• Get plenty of sleep

Guess what? Self-care isn’t actually a spa day. It’s working on yourself and growing the support system that holds you up emotionally. By forming relationships with others that may be going through the same things, or by working towards a common goal in our community, you are growing the foundation of self-care in your life. It’s important to have someone to rely on, and I know I am so grateful for the people in my circle that I can count on.

Welcome to the Burn Ward

Now that you know that you’re officially burnt out, what do you do now? An article about burnout prevention and treatment on Helpguide.org advises us to combat getting burnt out in the following ways:

• Be aware when you are reaching your emotional and physical limits. Only you know what they are, know when to say when!
• When you become aware that you’re burnt out, seek out help and support!
• Practice daily self-care to build up your emotional immunity to stress and burnout.

I’ve experienced some pretty heavy burn out in my life. Feeling hopeless, powerless, and useless are all signs of being burnt out. If you feel like you can’t care about one more thing, you’re there. When you’re at the end of your rope, take some time to recuperate. You deserve it, and you’re worth the effort.

Empathy fatigue is a real thing. By taking time out to take care of ourselves and setting boundaries in our relationships, we can avert it. Then you can feel confident saying, “Yes!”, again, without screaming silently inside and becoming resentful. Remember, you are as deserving of care and love as much as other people. Take the steps to avoid burn out and practice them every day. Until next time!