CBP S3E5: Creating Unity in Your Community

Communities are powerful when they pull together. In times like these, the strength of a community will help people come out the other side. As a leader, you have a large impact on the communities you’re a part of. Creating a sense of community is a critical task for a leader during a crisis. How are you showing up? Are you building up your community, or are you tearing it down? Let’s give our people strength and fortitude by building bonds with them and doing what we can to build up our families, teams, and communities.

This episode has a video also! See it here.

Referenced in this episode:

• Listening with Respect and Engagement | CPB S2E10
• Keep Calm and Lead On
• How to Inspire Community Spirit in Times of Social Isolation | Alexandra Laxmi Iyer | Salesforce.org
• The Kindness Postcard and Other Heartwarming Gestures Sparked By Coronavirus | Lucy Handley | CNBC
• Compassion in the Time of the Coronavirus | Nicholas A. Christakis | The Washington Post
• Facing COVID-19 With Community Instead of Fear | Lornet Turnbull | Yes Magazine

Face Masks:

• Sweet Red Poppy | How to Sew a Surgical Face Mask: I found this set of tutorials super helpful in sewing my own face masks for my husband, son, and their coworkers.

Transcript

Hey there, it’s Dianne Whitford with Coffee, Grit, and Inspiration and this is your Coffee Break podcast, where we are making personal development accessible one episode at a time. The last couple of weeks have been tough. Pretty sure I’m not the only one feeling that way. I can safely say that what we’re going through right now is well outside any experience I’ve ever had in my life and most of the people that I know, the same thing. It’s, it’s been tough. It’s been really tough, I think, for all kinds of different people for all kinds of different reasons. So I’m a little late posting this. I did want to do it with a video this time because it’s been a while since I put my face in front of you guys, so if you haven’t checked out the YouTube channel, I’ll post that in the description. Otherwise you’re just stuck listening to my melodious voice.

This week I spent a lot of time making masks for my husband and son who work at grocery stores and for the people that work there with them. There’s – as you are probably well aware, a mask shortage across, well, I think I was going to say across the US but I think that’s true in the whole world and there’s, they’re being reserved for medical professionals and I know that a mask like this, which I’ll show you again just cause I’m kind of proud of it. A mask like this is not something that necessarily a doctor or nurse could wear, but it is something that might help a little bit for somebody that can’t socially distance and has to work or has to go out in public. So I wanted to do a little something for them. If you’re interested, the mask works pretty well. There’s all kinds of different materials you can make them out of. ,But I’ll put the link in the description if you’re interested in making some using the same tutorial or there’s all kinds of tutorials on the internet right now that would give you great instructions on how to do something like that.

So a couple more things before I go into today’s episode. The first thing I wanted to tell everybody is with all the information that’s floating around on the internet and all kinds of stuff is coming out, make sure you’re being safe and make sure you’re being smart. There are a ton of spam emails that I’ve been getting. Way more than usual. Things like from PayPal or Apple saying, “here’s the confirmation for your recent purchase”, listing some thing that I never bought for some crazy amount. And in there is a link to click and view your order details. And the risk of course, when you click any link in an email like that, is that clicking that link will download something on your computer or take you to a site that will download something on your computer or your device and open up your phone or computer to having all of your information stolen. And so pretty sure nobody wants that. So just be really, really cautious when you’re looking at your emails.

Another scam that I heard about that’s going around is people calling, claiming to be from the IRS and saying that they need your bank account information so they can mail you your stimulus check. And that is not how the stimulus checks are being delivered. So be very, very wary. Don’t give out your bank information and certainly don’t give out your personal information to anybody. Be careful when you’re shopping. Really avoid going to sites, even from an email that you get from someone that you trust. Just be really careful. I’ve seen emails come to me from where the name shows, like it’s somebody I know, but when I look at the details of the email address, it is not the email address of the person that I know. So just be super, super careful. Super careful. And then the last thing before I get started is I just wanted to give a shout out and a thank you to all those that are on the front lines right now.

Like I mentioned, my husband and my son both work in grocery. They obviously don’t have the ability to work from home. Uh, we’re fortunate, very, very fortunate that they are employed. But at the same time, it’s a very scary situation having them go to work every day and, and serve people because they take what they do very seriously and they want to make sure that they’re there to help people. But at the same time, it’s really, uh, it’s really super scary. So, for all those that are out there, grocery workers and postal workers and people working in warehouses and people working at all the essential businesses and of course our healthcare workers and all those folks that are out there on the front line just doing what they gotta do to get through this and to help everyone else get through this. I really appreciate you and I hope that you feel that appreciation.

So on with today’s episode. As you know, I’ve on the blog have been doing…well, as you may know, I don’t know if you know or not, but in case you didn’t, on the blog, I’m doing a series on leadership during a crisis, like what we’re seeing. And I’m using as inspiration a lot of what I’m seeing in the world around me. Politicians, local community leaders, leaders in my own organization, all of that kind of stuff to really learn by example and, and learn by what I’m seeing happen in the world around me. And so today I wanted to talk a little bit about the importance of creating a sense of unity in whatever community that you’re in. Whether that’s your neighborhood, your family, your circle of friends, your organization, your work organization, anything like that. Creating that sense of commonality and that sense of community is one of the things that will really help the people that look to you, that are around you get through a situation similar to what we’re going through right now.

Obviously I’ve never been through a situation like this. Many of you haven’t either. Most of you, I would venture to guess have not been through anything like this before, so none of us have all the answers, but what it did make me think about is when you have a crisis that’s happening, when, whether it’s a pandemic or a natural disaster or anything like that, there’s certain things that can help you and those around you get through something like this and one of those things is feeling connected. So people feeling connected to the people around them, which can be really difficult, especially in the climate of today where people are on lockdown, they’re supposed to stay inside their house, supposed to stay six feet away from everybody. It’s very difficult to build that connection, that emotional connection with those around you. So that’s kind of what I want to talk about today.

So you’re, if you’re looking at the news, I know that the news is kind of a knife that cuts both ways, right? You get, you see some good things and you see some very important things and then you see a lot of misinformation or disinformation. So you have to be very careful about the, the sources that you’re getting your news from. But regardless of where you look, there are examples of people that are doing awesome things. People that are putting their, the wellbeing of those around them above and in front of their own wellbeing. You’re seeing examples of where people are sacrificing their livelihoods and their jobs for the greater good by choosing to stay home when their companies are closing or when you’re making the difficult decision to close your own company so that your employees can stay safe. That’s a sacrifice and they’re making that sacrifice for all of us.

You’re also seeing examples of people putting themselves first and not, not making that sacrifice. Not thinking about the greater good in what they’re doing as they go about their day. I’m seeing examples of leaders that are telling other people to do things or advocating for things that they’re not doing themselves. They have no intention of doing. I see a lot of divisiveness and blame and trying to figure out who’s at fault and trying to identify the scapegoat and trying to shove accountability off onto other people. But I also see companies and families and friends and groups of people that are pulling together because they know that we are all in this together. This is not, this is not a time to drive a wedge in between people or foster an environment of divisiveness. This is a time when we want to try to pull people together because honestly, being alone in something like this, I have a hard time understanding how someone could make it out on the other side.

So what I talked about in the blog this week a little bit is about how people around a leader will derive kind of a sense of how to behave and and kind of mirror that leader’s behavior. So when you have a, a leader that is, that is fostering community and they’re fostering a sense of trust and a sense of kind of we’re all in this together, then you see that replicated in the people that are around them. When you have a leader that is fostering divisiveness and driving wedges between groups of people or between individuals on a team, you end up with, that, that same attitude being mirrored in the people that are around them. It kind of gives license to the people around to act in that same way. So when you have a leader engaging in bad behavior, the people around them think, “Oh, that’s cool to act like that because that’s what he’s doing and he’s supposed to be leading us or that’s what she’s doing, she’s treating people like crap. So we kind of have the license to do that too because there’s nobody to hold us accountable”.

It kind of creates an environment where everybody’s out for themselves rather than looking out for the greater good. And, and if everybody put themselves first, we’d have no hospitals or healthcare centers or food banks or community assistance or anything, any of those kinds of programs that are keeping communities going right now. There’s almost – the last number I heard, which may or may not have been accurate, was between six and 10 million people that are unemployed in the US right now. And there’s people out there I’m positive that are applying for assistance or need help that have never needed that before. And they don’t know where to go or what to do. And it’s without groups that are out there helping, giving clothing and food and necessities to those people.

That’s not a situation I’d ever want to be in. Fortunately I’m not. But I know that there are millions literally out there that are. So by creating that environment of unity and, and kind of a shared purpose, a leader can turn the attention of the people on his or her team to each other and the world around them instead of on themselves. So an example that I really wanted to talk about is my employer. And we have a motto and we borrowed it from the three Musketeers and it is “one for all and all for one”. We say it at the end of big meetings, we say it during big meetings, back when travel was allowed, we would have a big national meeting and we would all meet there. And that was a phrase that was very commonly repeated. People put it in emails. And what I see is the leaders in my organization living that philosophy every single day, one for all, all for one.

It’s not one for one, me out for myself, me doing what’s best for me. I mean self care is one thing, right? But when everything that you’re doing is centered around what’s best for you, forget, you know, regardless of what is good for the greater good or for everybody else, then that’s not all one for all, all for one. Right? So when I see the leaders around me fostering that, living it every day, it helps foster that in the team of people that look to them. And so it makes it easier for me to foster that attitude and hopefully for the people that are around me to pick that up from me as well. And that saying is reflected in the sense of community and and kind of community spirit that I see in our teammates. You know, they’re out there, they’re doing good and they’re doing the right thing and they’re, they’re taking care of people out there in the world.

What this saying kind of evokes in the people that hear it is the sense that the leaders are in the trenches with them. You don’t have somebody who’s, who’s kind of above it all trying to give you advice or tell you what to do. You get the sense that that it really is one for all and all for one, including those at the highest level of leadership in the organization. And so from the, from the very lowest level person up to the highest level person, you feel like we are all one for all and all for one, that it creates the sense that you are cared for. Even by the person at the top of the organization. That he cares about you and who you are and that you’re okay. Another example is early on in the lockdown, I’m in Washington state and we locked down sometime mid March I believe.

And right…I think either that day or the day after there was a lady who was going around the neighborhood, she had a little red wagon. She was pulling along and it was filled up with sack lunches and Kleenex. She had about eight kids with her and they were going around door to door, keeping their distance of course, but going around door to door, asking if anybody needed bagged lunches or Kleenex just to get through the day. Um, obviously she didn’t have to do that. She went and took the time to put together these lunches and gathered as much Kleenex as she could to take around and give to people. And, and that just, you know, it’s one of those things that kind of restores your faith in humanity. The city I live in, in Washington here has a Facebook page and I started following it sometime last year. And since the lockdowns and everything has started, they’ve, they’ve posted some updates about what the city is doing in support of the pandemic and stuff like that.

But what I most of all appreciate is they’re posting little funny things, you know, like there’s obviously somebody on the staff there that really enjoys Facebook. Because they, they do funny stuff and, and it’s kind of stuff you might not necessarily think that would come out of a city or a city government. But the fact that it does makes it seem more real and makes it seem like that those people that work in the government, those, they live here too. And that’s true, right? All the people that work in that city government live here in the city there, they’re not living in some remote place and trying to govern from afar. They’re here and they’re in this city with us. And, and that, that outreach from, even if it’s just through Facebook, really makes a difference. If you search for examples of community spirit on Google, you get so many different examples.

I mean over the years, sure, but even just recently, there’s so many examples of where communities are pulling together and there are groups of people within neighborhoods or neighborhoods themselves or people across the nation are pulling together to do what they can to support each other and support the people around them. I heard stories about organizations that are pooling their money and asking for donations. Then using that money to buy masks and gowns, whatever they can get their hands on and donating them to the hospitals. Those kinds of, those kinds of examples show what the power of a community…a community when it comes together, when it has a shared vision and a shared sense of purpose is powerful. It’s so powerful. And when we can leverage that as leaders to help people all have that same vision and that same sense of purpose. If we can instill that in our people, then our people become so powerful together, more powerful together than they are by themselves.

It also creates – when you can create that sense of community, it creates a vehicle for that community to spread. So we’ve been talking about like disease vectors and how does the, the pandemic spread from person to person and, and it is true that viruses and pandemics spread that way, but it’s also true that community spirit spreads that way. When you are fostering a community spirit on your team or in your family or in your group or your your people, that is going to spread outwards. Again, using my company as an example, we call that ripples. You’re sending out ripples every time you do those kinds of things. And that attitude spreads. So leaders within families and teams and organizations and groups of people, leaders within groups of people are a little bit in a unique position. You have, you have influence. Sometimes tremendous influence with those around you. Your attitude, the things you focus on, the words you say have an enormous impact.

You know, words matter, the things that come out of your mouth. People may not always remember your words, but a lot of times they do. And more importantly, your words that you use generate feelings. And people may not, you know, it’s true what they say. People may not remember what you say, but they will remember how you made them feel. And that’s why words are so important, not because they stick around for a long time, but because they evoke feelings and emotions in the people that hear them. So I guess the question is how can you take steps on your own or take steps in your area, whether that’s your family, your group of friends, your organization at work, whatever, to kind of promote that sense of unity and community on your team or your circle. So there’s a lot of different tactics that you can use, and I’ll link some in the description, and those are things you can do, you know, small actions you can take that kind of help with that.

But there’s a few good strategies that I wanted to talk a little bit about today that will help you in building that sense of community on your team.

Okay. For those of you watching the video. The magical disappearance of my sweater has to do with the fact that my light just I died and I had to go hunt down the plug. I’m all plugged in now but I was hot so I had to take off my sweater. Those you just listening to the podcast aren’t going to care about that.

So what I want to talk about today mostly is strategies. So things like things, things that you can do in, in apply kind of in a broader sense that will help foster that sense of community in your teams. And lucky for you, there are a lot of blog posts and podcast episodes that we’ve done over the last, gosh, almost a year, not quite, almost a year that will help with that.

So I’ll link those in the description as well. So the first one is listening and being curious. So I talked a few weeks ago or a few episodes ago about listening with respect and engagement and active listening and making sure that when you sit down to listen, when you’re, when you’re talking to somebody, that you are listening with your whole body, you’re listening to what they’re saying. And what you’re listening for in this kind of case is how are people feeling? You know, a lot of times in situations like this, people don’t want to admit that maybe they’re feeling scared or maybe they are uncertain or feeling anxious or you know, maybe they’re trying to suppress everything. They’re trying not to feel anything at all. And, and the only way to really understand what people are going through is to ask them and then listen, you know, ask them and then shut up and listen.

So if you need a refresher on active listening, I’ll link that podcast episode. It’s a season two, episode 10 and I’ll go ahead and link that in the description. Or you can look it up on the Apple Podcasts or whatever podcast app you’re using. Another thing is empathy and it goes along with what I was just talking about. People need to know that you get it, that you get how they’re feeling, that you are there with them, that you’ve been there before. You know, if they’re scared, they’d like to know that you’re scared. If they’re feeling vulnerable, they’d like to know what your vulnerabilities are. Empathy isn’t always telling people how you feel. A lot of times it’s just understanding how they’re feeling. Not talking about yourself, making it about them and not about you. But again, the only way to understand how they’re feeling so that you can empathize is to ask and talk to them.

Another is action. So being, being the type of leader that can take meaningful action in a decisive way. Uh, I think that what paralyzes us a lot is the fear that we’re about to take the wrong action or that we don’t know what action to take and so we want to wait and see. And, and those are obviously both valid. You know, it’s, it’s totally valid to be afraid of making the wrong decision. It’s totally valid to not know what decision to make yet and want to wait. But there are times, especially in a situation like this where you have to decide something. And in those cases sometimes, a bad decision is better than no decision sometimes. A couple, I wanted to give a couple examples from my work. So on my team, my whole group of folks is remote now where before a bunch of us were co-located in the, in the same office maybe or whatever.

And so in an effort to kind of keep everybody together to instill that community spirit, my, my own leader is collecting information throughout the week of what people are doing, things they’re doing in their own communities, things they’re doing with their families, you know, a funny meme or something they found around the internet, whatever it is, and then sending out a little newsletter to help everybody keep connected and stay connected to the rest of the team even though they’re not seeing them every day. Another example, and this is something I’m doing myself and something several leaders at my company are doing as well, is to have, you know, daily check-ins or homerooms. My homeroom is weekly, but we use webcams during those sessions and so that we all at least can have the ability to see each other’s faces and just, we start off with a little check-in.

Everybody talks a little bit about what they’re up to, what did they do this week, what are they planning to do over the weekend? Even though for a lot of us it is stay at home like “I’m going to go have dinner in my dining room”, you know, whatever. But still it’s a way to get your face in front of everybody and really make that visual connection with the folks that you may not have the opportunity to see every day. Even if it’s small, having a plan like that and establishing it early as early as possible is a way to help people know that you may not have all the answers, but at least you know what you’re doing in this one case. And that you’re going to set this time aside and, and uh, you have this plan and you’re going to execute it. So I talked a little bit about people want to know that you’re in the trenches with them.

And I think one of the most effective ways you can do that is to strategically share your vulnerabilities. And the way, and the reason I say strategically is because people, people around you, you have to really be careful about who you vent to. And I talked a little bit about that in my blog post. You know, kind of falling apart in private and showing a calm public face. And that’s especially important if you’re a leader, I think. It’s important to share with people your vulnerability. So if you’re scared, if you’re feeling uncertain, if you’re feeling anxious, I think it’s good to talk about that. I think it’s good to let the people that are around you know that you’re feeling a lot of the same things that they are feeling. If you’re about to have a breakdown, if you got to go have a, a big cry, you know, or whatever.

For me, that’s how I break down is I just have a really, you know, ugly cry fest, right? Ugly, crying. And I don’t want anybody else to see that, especially the people that I work with, if I can avoid it. So that I get that out of the way in private so that I can bring a calm and collected face to the people at work. It helps me get my emotional static out of the way. So I, I vent in private, get my emotional static out of the way. So when I come to work, I can focus on them and I’m not letting my emotional stuff get in the way of, of helping and supporting them in whatever they need. And it’s important too that when you’re expressing empathy, and we’ve talked about this in blog posts and numerous podcasts, that when you’re expressing empathy, you’re making it about that person, right?

So when someone’s telling you what they’re going through, they’re not going to care as much about what you’re going through as what they’re going through. And so telling them, Oh, I know exactly how you feel. This is what happened to me and here’s my whole story. That’s not as helpful as you might think. It can, when appropriate, to say “I had a very similar experience” and maybe go into a little bit of detail about it. Only if it’s appropriate and not if that person is wrapped up in what they’re feeling. Because for them to take a break and start to have to focus on you is not… That’s not being, that’s not creating an empathetic space for them. You’re not creating a safe space for them to express their feelings. You’re taking their safe space to talk about yours. But the, the argument for sharing those vulnerabilities is because it creates a visceral connection between you and the people that you’re talking to.

When they know that you’ve gone through. Maybe they know a little bit of details about something you’ve gone through that’s very similar to what they’re going through. It creates a connection with them where they realize that you guys have things in common, deep things in common. And and that will create a little bit of a bond. And the more people you can do that with, the more people will feel connected to you and to then to each other. Lastly, what I would say is to avoid creating division. And I talked about this early on in the episode, it’s very difficult, especially when tempers or on edge people are stressed out. People are feeling a little frayed and it’s easy to kind of coalition build, right? Somebody, somebody made you angry and so you gather some allies. Or you kind of want people on your side in an argument or whatever and so you kind of maybe consciously or unconsciously or whatever can sometimes create divisions between people.

And at this time, in a situation like this, you want to not caused divisions. You want to be that healing, that breaching of canyons, right? So little cracks in a team’s cohesiveness in a time like this can grow into canyons, you know? And those canyons don’t necessarily close up after the crisis has passed. And so you could be doing very long-term damage to the people around you to the relationships around you by allowing those cracks to widen in a time like this instead of doing what you can to pull them closer. And those, those effects will last long after this pandemic is gone. And like I mentioned earlier, communities are powerful when you pull them apart and, and drive wedges between the members, that community you weaken the team is all and the individuals within the team in a time like this, communities and teams and people and neighborhoods and whatever need strength. And they get that strength from, from feeling together, from feeling like we’re all part of one big community.

So the point I’m trying to make today, I guess is to look outward, look around you, figure out who your community is, who are your people, what can you do to pull them together as opposed to driving them apart? What can you do to create unity in your group and in the people around you so that you can create that “one for all, all for one” strengths of, from the many or whatever that term is. I can’t remember it, some star Trek term, I think. If anybody knows, put it in comments or something. But anyway, the point I’m making is that more are more powerful than just one. And so do what you can to create that more. Look around you at your community, at your team at, at your people and see you, who can you at? Where can you pull people together?

Where can you create bonds between yourself and them? Or where can you help create bonds between the members of the community or the members of your circle? We’re all gonna need that strength right now. And for awhile, I think. and in all of this, make sure that you’re taking care of yourself, right? You can’t take care of other people if you’re not taking care of yourself. So focus on the self care. Get enough sleep. Make sure that you’re doing the social distancing. You’re, you’re doing what you can to keep yourself healthy and safe. Because you’re not any good to anybody if you’re…I don’t want to say you’re sick, but obviously if you’re sick, you can’t take care of others. But if you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re not going to be able to be there for other people and take care of them. Carry kindness in your heart for the people around you for forgiveness and kindness. Just carry that. Carry that in your heart and see if you can spread that to others around you. I hope you all are staying as safe and healthy as possible. One for all and all for one. Till next time. Bye now.