Heather AbbeThis is our last post in the theme of resilience. So we’ve talked a lot about resilience, but what about self-confidence? How does being self-confident help someone to be resilient? Is a person more self-confident because they have resilient qualities, or more resilient due to self-confidence? What came first, the chicken or the egg (just kidding!)?
Honestly though, having belief in oneself is a integral part of having resilience. How do we build self-confidence that will help us increase our resilience? What is the secret to believing in oneself? Today we’re going to explore different approaches to gaining self-confidence, and in turn, better resilience in life.
Confidence is Learned
No one is born a paragon of self-confidence. While some of our fears and doubts are valid for keeping us safe, often we imagine scenarios that could never occur in real life. I know that I will run through whole timelines of “what if this happens?” It doesn’t matter what “it” is, the worst fear that you have about a given situation probably isn’t likely a contingency that you need to plan on.
Dianne talked about coping mechanisms to increase personal resilience. By building up our resilience, and doing the “dang thing”, regardless of the adversity we face, we are also building self-confidence. Every time you do something that you’re afraid to do, you grow a little bit. Having confidence in our abilities is only proven to ourselves by doing it, regardless of those aforementioned fears and doubts. So how do we do it?
Build it Up!
There is probably more than a metric ton of self help books written on building self-confidence! When I was doing the research for this post, I was at first overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information available to people on how to build self-confidence. After wading through a bunch of information, these are a few things that I noticed as constants in building up self-confidence:
- Practice visualizations and affirmations – if you can’t see yourself doing a thing, you’re probably right. “Can’t” never achieved anything. So if you want to succeed, picture yourself succeeding! I spend a lot of time criticizing myself, when I should be affirming that I can do a great job. For more a more in detail look at the link between visualizations, affirmations and journaling to succeed, check out this blog post.
- Show up ready to play the game – Take care of yourself! How others perceive us is one thing, but how do you perceive yourself? Ill-prepared, or ready to take on the day? Part of building confidence is to come to work with all the tools that you need. So take the time every day to prepare for the day, and don’t leave out self care.
- Get ready to fail and get rejected – Look, we all know that even with a growth mindset, sometimes we are going to mess it up. When you try something new, you make a bunch of mistakes. Honestly, I often learn more from a mistake than a win. At least now you know what doesn’t work.
- Do the scary things – Sometimes the things we want to achieve are terrifyingly scary. Building a house, buying a car, in fact any new “adulting” can be pretty horrifying. But we know we can do it, How do we know? Others did it! Proof that the thing, whatever it is, can be done. So try each day to do a little scary thing on the way to building up to the big scary thing (see goals). Stretch out of your comfort zone!
Faking it!
Now that we know some tactics for building self-confidence, here’s the most important thing that I’ve learned via my personal life experience. A wise person once told me: “fake it until you make it.”. I think out of all of the things that I’ve learned, this was the most valuable. “Acting as if…” is a great way to start building up self-confidence and resilience. Not only will others be convinced, you will start to believe in yourself, as well.
All of this seems like really easy stuff to say, and a lot harder to do! But by setting small goals, visualizing success, and “acting as if”, we can build our confidence up in ourselves, and that proof will, in turn, grow resilience. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, by believing, you can move onto doing. So, what’s holding you back? Are they unfounded fears and imagined obstacles? Or can you start your journey to rise above adversity today, one step at a time? Until next time!
Dianne Whitford
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