Stop, Drop, and Roll: Practice Taking Constructive Criticism

Here’s the deal, nobody likes to take criticism. There’s nothing like going along, thinking you’re doing a great job, and getting a little feedback that puts your teeth on edge. I tend to take a lot of feedback personally. Unfortunately, I also know that I’m not alone in this. Why do we react negatively to criticism? And what can we do to take that new information and actually incorporate it into our lives and work? How can we practice taking constructive criticism?

If you’ve been following along, you’ve read about letting things go and saying, “Oh well.”. In the case of feedback, “oh well” can work to help us let go of our negative feelings about the feedback. Many times when we get feedback, we may go into a shame or denial spiral. Why is our first reaction to constructive criticism negative? And how do we overcome it?

Imposter Syndrome

One of the reasons we sometimes can’t process criticism in a positive way is because some of us suffer from what’s called imposter syndrome. What’s that? It’s when you feel, deep down inside, that somehow you don’t deserve where you are in life. Whether it’s your position at work or just your place in life, you live in constant fear that you will be “found out”, and people will know that you’re a fraud. I struggle with imposter syndrome myself, and I tell you, it can be a serious problem when you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

When you feel that at any time, someone will come and say, “You’re a phony!”, it makes you pretty tense. Add on a co-worker or a boss offering some constructive criticism on top of that, and there’s no wonder that you feel like you have to defend yourself. We’re going to explore some ways to stop, drop and roll out of the shame and denial we experience when we get criticized.

Stop!

So, let’s have a hypothetical situation. You’re in a big meeting, and your boss pulls you aside after to offer some constructive criticisms. What’s the first thing you do? Maybe you make a face, maybe you tense up in an attempt to brace yourself. Maybe your heart drops down to your feet. Why? Because nobody at first likes being told they are doing something incorrectly. So unless you get some kind of handle on this, you’re going to have a negative reaction.

Everybody needs some feedback to improve, so it’s time to get used to it. First thing, stop and listen. Don’t react, but listen without putting judgements or negative feelings into it. By stopping and actively listening, we are able to process the information they are trying to impart to us with out coloring it as a pessimistic response to our hard work.

Also try to separate the feedback about your behavior from who you are as a person. If you start to feel yourself heading down into the hole of shame, stop! Remind yourself that criticism about something you do or did is not about you as a person. Remember that the person giving you feedback, especially at work, most likely has your best interests at heart.

Drop!

Offering feedback is almost as hard as taking it. Nobody wants to be the one to tell you that there’s a better way to do something. So step two is drop, as in drop the attitude. This can be really hard to do if you have a standing problem with the person offering the criticism. But never fear, if you’re really letting go and saying, “Oh well…”, you can rise above those feelings. After we’ve listened to the feedback, we need to thank the person who took a risk and tried to help us better ourselves. So drop the attitude and say thank you!

Roll!

Now that we’ve avoided the “hole of shame” and the “spiral of denial”, we need to roll with the new information that we’ve been given to work on. Repeat to the person that is offering the criticism what they are trying to get across to you. “I hear that you’re saying that a good meeting starts and ends on time, is that what you mean?”. By repeating what’s been said, you’re doing two things, you’re letting the person know what you heard from them, and that you understand it. It tells them that you are open to constructive thoughts and are willing to put that information to work for yourself.

Rolling with constructive feedback is not easy, but like everything, being aware of the issue and using a growth mindset, we can put the power of practice to work for us. We can become better employees, and overall better people and partners if we are open to criticisms that will allow us to grow.

The Takeaway

So, now that we know how to stop, drop, and roll when taking fire in the form of feedback, we can avoid the consequences of not taking and listening to constructive criticisms. We can take the new information and opportunities to excel that being corrected and encouraged affords us.

We know that we got to where we are today by working hard and learning new things, being innovative and hardworking. Accept that you belong and deserve what you have, and practice taking constructive criticism in a positive manner. Some of the most important things I’ve learned were things that I was doing wrong. Mistakes are the world’s greatest teachers.